Flee the Holiday Season

Here we are once more. That time of year when the only subject of conversation among friends and colleagues revolves around their holiday plans—what will be served, who’s attending, will there be turkey; and if so, who’s in charge of cooking it? While small talk usually makes me feel trapped and irritable, I find myself enjoying these specific discussions. They provide a glimpse into the lives of those I think I know, revealing more about their backgrounds, the families they were raised in, the ones they’ve embraced, and those they prefer to avoid.

At a recent dinner, a friend shared something that has lingered in my mind: her father, who wasn’t born in the U.S. and lacks sentimental ties, always schedules an overseas trip for Thanksgiving, using the time to explore a new city.

I can’t shake the idea of this wandering holiday approach. My family won’t gather this year, and while I have invites to friends’ Thanksgiving dinners, the thought of being crammed around a table with varying degrees of familiarity and the occasional stranger feels unsettling. I suspect many share this sentiment. As life gradually inches back to normal, holidays will likely resemble their former selves—quite the shift from last year’s small, solitary gatherings, necessitated by safety. Just because we’re not required to spend the holidays alone doesn’t mean we should rush back into the chaos of the Macy’s Parade. Many of us, myself included, still feel fragile. This might be the ideal year to kindly turn down invitations, postpone family reunions, and prioritize our own needs. Why not take a trip?

I’m captivated by the thought of being a solo traveler, wandering through the peaceful streets of a quiet town or a bustling city on Thanksgiving, entirely alone except for the occasional family heading home for dinner, or a few other travelers with a similar mindset. This is the kind of solitude I often yearn for when New York feels suffocating, or when my mind is too cluttered to focus.

Feeling stuck because you have nowhere else to go is a profoundly lonely experience. However, choosing to travel solo can be exhilarating. On previous solo adventures, I’ve forged lasting friendships, enjoyed incredible meals, embarked on memorable and quirky dates, and felt a sense of community. I simply never considered embarking on such a journey during the holidays. Yet it’s quite logical—my friend’s dad often books flights for Thanksgiving Day when prices dip, arriving in a new country as most are gathering for dinner.

Even if you adore being with family and friends, organizing a holiday dinner can be stressful. While planning a trip requires some effort, you can set aside the guest lists and intricate cooking schedules this year. Instead, consider an international getaway where you can focus on finding the perfect gelato, savoring delicious tacos, or sharing massive pans of paella with new friends. If you prefer staying domestic for Thanksgiving, many restaurants are creatively reimagining the traditional feast. With some foresight, you could indulge in unique dishes like tandoori turkey, garlic mashed yucca, or pumpkin tres leches cake. And if a classic spread is what you desire, why not enjoy a personal plated meal without family politics? Traveling during the holidays is not just about escaping; it’s about experiencing them in a refreshing way.

Although I lack the time, resources, or mental bandwidth to plan a big international trip right now, I’m considering expressing my gratitude to friends for their invites and heading out of town instead. I’m envisioning a quick getaway I can organize in a day, perfect for a weekend, reachable by train, bus, or rental car. I’ve begun searching for accommodations in the Hudson Valley—one of my favorite spots just two hours north of the city, known for its vibrant queer community that always makes me feel at home.

I truly hope that by next year or the year after, the pandemic will be firmly behind us, allowing me to gather around a large table with my parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, and old family friends whose names have slipped my mind. Until then, the holidays offer more than just the choice between a large dinner and solitude. I eagerly anticipate taking the train up the river to my beloved town, strolling along the main street, enjoying an early cocktail at a favorite dive bar, and relishing my mini feast alone—far from my Brooklyn home.