I Have an Aversion to Physical Touch. What Should I Do When Traveling?

Unpacked is Dinogo’s advice column. Every quarter, Dr. Anu Taranath addresses an ethical dilemma faced by a reader. Taranath, based in Seattle, Washington, is a speaker, facilitator, and educator focused on racial equity and social change. She authored Beyond Guilt Trips: Mindful Travel in an Unequal World (Between the Lines, 2019). If you have a question you’d like explored, please send it to [email protected].

I’m uncomfortable with physical contact from strangers. Yet, during my trip to the Dominican Republic, my hosts insisted on greeting me with hugs and 2–3 kisses on the cheek. I attempted to hide my discomfort, but I worry I seemed rude. What can I do in the future?

I admire your self-awareness regarding your boundaries with touch and your understanding of how they might affect others. Traveling frequently tests our personal limits and transforms clear boundaries into more flexible ones.

Let me broaden the perspective for a moment. While our individual likes and dislikes are important, they often stem from cultural, social, and environmental influences. Our perceptions—how we see, taste, hear, feel, think, and touch—are shaped by our backgrounds, experiences, and cultural values.

When people greet each other—whether with a hug, cheek kiss, handshake, nod, a casual 'Sup?', a bow with folded hands, a fist bump, or an 'As-salamu alaykum'—we engage in collective rituals shaped by often unspoken cultural norms. These norms surround us, evident in our own cultures, which we frequently overlook, and they become particularly pronounced during travel.

While most people link touch with comfort and pleasure, it can also be unwanted or nonconsensual. There are various reasons someone might not enjoy physical contact, including temperament, societal stigmas related to gender or sexuality, upbringing, traumatic past experiences, health issues, and more.

I’m not certain why you have an aversion to physical touch or its origins, but I’m intrigued to see if you might be willing to explore that with me for a moment.

Let’s consider the possibility that you could reassess your identity as someone who dislikes touch. Perhaps it's not all forms of touch that bother you, but specific kinds linked to certain memories, experiences, or individuals. Could that be the case?

If that's true, it might be worth rethinking your narrative about touch when friendly locals greet you according to their cultural customs. I gently encourage you to move beyond the rigid categories of 'I like' or 'I don't like' and find appreciation for the shades of gray in between. I’m not suggesting you need to become a professional cuddler or hand out free hugs on the subway—just that you might not need to stay firmly in the 'I don’t like touch' camp. By reflecting on the stories we tell ourselves about our identities, we can create space to welcome new ways of experiencing the world.

Here are some strategies for your upcoming trip to a culture where hugging and kissing are common greetings: Try to view each greeting as a routine rather than something personal. Picture it as if people aren't approaching to touch you specifically, but rather performing the cultural choreography they’ve learned over the years. By depersonalizing the greeting and seeing it as a social custom, you might sidestep any awkward interpersonal tensions.

Another approach is to reconnect with your reasons for exploring new environments. We travel to grow, expand our horizons, and discover new aspects of ourselves and others. Consider who else you could become in those moments of greeting. If you approach new interactions with anxiety and fear of being touched, you may not fully enjoy your journey. Negative energy can also be contagious, affecting those around you. Instead of solely fixating on your discomfort with touch, try to enhance your awareness of other senses—like scent and sound—during greetings. What fragrance lingers in the air after a hug? Can you hear the distant hum of motorbikes? Shift your focus away from touch and engage with your other senses, remembering the true reasons you travel.

If the suggestions above seem unrealistic for you—or if I’ve misunderstood your situation entirely—I propose that wearing a face mask might provide a buffer for your greeting interactions. A mask can subtly change expectations without causing embarrassment for you or your hosts. If someone moves in for a hug or kiss, you could gesture to your mask and say, 'Thank you, I’m being extra cautious right now. It’s lovely to meet you.' Use your status as a visitor to create space from social norms you’d rather avoid.

You can express your desire for connection in alternative ways. Nod your head to show engagement, or soften your eyes with warmth. There are numerous ways our positive energy can resonate in the air and touch the hearts of those around us. Even without physical contact, we can still experience heartfelt moments.