I relocated from Ireland to Indiana to marry my Tinder vacation romance

When writer Rosemary McCabe traveled to the USA to visit family, she had no idea how dramatically her life was about to change.

There was so much I didn’t realize as I boarded that flight in May 2019 to see my sister and her family in Indiana.

I never imagined I would meet a man from Fort Wayne through a dating app, start a long-distance relationship, navigate the visa process to live and work in the USA, and eventually get engaged and married. Just three years later, I found myself with a home, two stepsons, and a baby born in October 2021 with that same man.

Not only could I not have anticipated what lay ahead, but I also would never have believed it.

A homebody from Dublin contemplates a significant change

To begin with, I had never, not once in my life, seriously considered the notion of emigrating. As a true homebody, I felt my career bound me to Dublin just as much as my affection for the city itself.

I’ve never desired to live anywhere else, I’d tell people when they asked – and they often did. I graduated during a recession, as many of my friends left the country after college. I adore vacationing, I would say. But I always cherish returning home.

The trip in 2019 that kickstarted everything was intended as a vacation. I planned to fly to Fort Wayne, stay with my sister and her family for three weeks, and then return to my life in Dublin.

Just a week into my visit, my sister suggested I consider relocating. 'Why not?' she said. 'As a writer, you can work from anywhere; why not spend a year or two here?' She had proposed this before—first in New York and then in Dallas—but I had never taken it seriously until now.

You might expect that I would have started researching visa options or scheduled a consultation with an immigration lawyer to explore pathways for freelance journalists wanting to live and work in the US.

Instead, I downloaded Tinder and immediately began searching for potential dates in Fort Wayne.

Wings and a dazzling smile

Brandin was the second guy I met. His profile showcased him in a kilt and he described himself as a 6'6' nerd. I mentioned my love for chicken wings and my desire for a man with all his own teeth. 'I meet your criteria!' he responded, inviting me to lunch for, you guessed it, chicken wings.

This was my initial glimpse into how straightforward Midwesterners can be, a trait that eventually ceased to astonish me. ('You enjoy chicken wings? Let’s go for chicken wings!' It’s quite logical.)

We met at Buffalo Wings & Ribs, which Brandin claimed served the best wings in town. He was not only strikingly tall and attractive but also radiated a distinctly... American vibe. His broad smile revealed straight, white teeth, and his loud, friendly voice had just a hint of… excessive volume.

We dove into the wings – which, I realized a bit too late, are not the best choice for a first date (what a mess!) – and I had my very first Mountain Dew. He was warm, witty, and asked me questions, showing real interest in my replies. I was captivated by his chocolate-brown eyes, expressive brows, and dark hair that brushed against his ears.

On our second date, he took me for a stroll around downtown, sharing tales of Fort Wayne’s rich history. By the third date, I found myself at his place, watching a movie and sharing kisses on his couch like a couple of teenagers.

But before long, I was making my way back to Ireland, with plenty of research ahead and plans to start the process of applying for a visa.

A complex love story unfolds

I returned to the US twice that year – once in October for six weeks, and again during Christmas – to immerse myself in Fort Wayne, spend quality time with my sister and her children, and, of course, to see Brandin. By that summer, we had officially committed to each other.

I had fallen in love – not only with Brandin but with the idea of making this move: being close to my sister for the first time in over a decade, truly getting to know my nephews and watching them grow, and embracing Indiana itself.

When contemplating the prospect of moving abroad, one of my biggest concerns was the cultural differences, even between two countries that share a language. I had found New York overwhelming and unfriendly; even London, just an hour’s flight from Dublin, moved at a pace that felt foreign to me.

In Fort Wayne, I discovered an unexpected sense of familiarity. The lush, green fields echoed the Irish countryside, and the welcoming nature of Midwesterners felt like a warm embrace. Fort Wayne is roughly the same size as Dublin but with far fewer residents – which means little to no traffic (except when you're stuck waiting for a freight train to pass).

Naturally, traffic isn't the only thing that sets this place apart – some differences are less than pleasant. The harsh Midwestern winters, with heavy snow that lingers for weeks, have taken some getting used to. In Ireland, a snowman rarely survives the night; in Indiana, I could craft an ice sculpture in my yard in November that would remain until spring.

No one walks in Fort Wayne. I miss the ability to wander around Dublin for hours, from residential neighborhoods to bustling shops, passing theaters, a variety of restaurants, and countless indie coffee spots along the way. Here, there's no path that doesn't lead to a busy road or a dead end, so we drive everywhere. Sometimes, it feels like I haven't seen another person in days – at least not outside of a car or a grocery store.

And those supermarkets! I was astounded by the sheer number of cereal options available; I still can't fathom the need for so many. The vast sizes of stores are a clear reflection of the space in America. In Ireland, there are 186 people per square mile; in the US, it's just 90.

When my visa was finally approved in February 2020, I felt completely ready for the move. I packed my belongings into boxes, set for shipping. I bid farewell to friends and family – or rather “see you soon,” as I planned a quick trip back for a wedding that spring.

But 2020 had other plans in store.

A transformative change during the pandemic

In a sense, the pandemic simplified my move. With no option for a quick return to Dublin – if I had gone back to Ireland, I wouldn’t have been allowed back into the US due to Covid travel restrictions – I had to embrace Fort Wayne as my new home.

And as I spent more time with my sister, the boys, and Brandin, it increasingly felt like home.

In July 2020, I began living with Brandin. Six months later, as I worked on a puzzle at our dining table, he knelt down and proposed. It took me a moment to process what was happening, as I initially thought he had found a missing piece that had been frustrating me. I eventually said yes – though not without him encouraging me for a response.

Just two weeks later, I discovered I was pregnant.

Strangely, it wasn’t until we purchased a house together – a $250,000, 2000-sq-ft, four-bedroom home just 15 minutes from downtown, featuring a two-car garage and a backyard overlooking a large pond – that I truly realized I might never return to Ireland. The marriage and baby should have been clear indicators, but it took becoming homeowners for that reality to hit me.

We understand that life, love, and friendship are never entirely predictable. Yet we often deceive ourselves into believing we know what lies ahead. We make plans as if we can control our futures. I had made a firm declaration: I’ll never move away from Ireland.

However, each time we step outside our front doors – or drive out of our garage – we give the universe an opportunity to intervene, to disrupt our plans, and to suggest a future we had never even considered.

As I boarded that plane in May 2019, I believed I knew my destination. Little did I realize how much my journey would change me.

A Menmoir: This Is Not About You, by Rosemary McCabe is available now.