Military called in after TikTok 'tea conflict' goes viral

You may recall the Boston Tea Party of 1773, when American patriots famously mocked the British by dumping tea chests into Boston Harbor.

A fresh argument over the 'proper' way to make a cup of tea has erupted into an international debacle, with both UK and US ambassadors weighing in.

The drama kicked off in early May when a North Carolina TikTok user named Michelle sparked outrage across social media with her controversial 'hot tea' tutorial.

Her recipe included a microwave, an unexpected mix of milk, powdered lemonade, cinnamon, Tang, excessive sugar, and a single teabag that undoubtedly deserved a better fate.

It was all too much for British users, who take immense pride in their beloved national beverage, made from tea leaves mostly sourced from Kenya, India, and Malawi. The dominant themes in the outrage-filled comments were 'war crime' and 'diabetes.'

Unfazed, Michelle returned with a new video on 'British tea,' featuring less direct contact between the teabag and water than the awkward couple in the film 'Brief Encounter.'

In her latest video about 'British eggs,' featuring canned whipped cream, Michelle – who now lives in the UK and is likely familiar with local customs – cemented suspicions that she is fully aware of the joke she’s playing.

The viral sensation on TikTok, dubbed the 'fifth columnist,' has already racked up over five million Likes for her antics, but she's also ignited fierce outrage in a nation teetering on the edge, with ample time to react.

So, Dame Karen Pierce, the British Ambassador to the U.S., had no choice but to call in the military.

Indeed, in a video posted on Monday, she enlisted soldiers from the British Army, Navy, and Air Force to demonstrate the proper way to brew tea—patriotic and perfectly proper. There was even a tip on how to enjoy high tea at high altitudes.

Pierce had the backing of the armed forces, but when Woody Johnson, the U.S. Ambassador to the UK, entered the fray on Wednesday, he took a more lone-wolf approach, channeling his inner Dirty Harry.

His tactic was a clever one: he decided to exploit Britain’s weakness—coffee. Given the UK's notoriously underwhelming coffee culture compared to the continent, it seemed like a safe bet for him.

However, the problem for this 'Clint Eastwood of coffee' is that he appears to have made an absolutely dreadful cup of joe.

He commits the ultimate sin by using instant coffee, a misstep guaranteed to raise the ire of any true coffee lover faster than boiling water dissolves those freeze-dried granules.

As people across the globe have been stepping up their culinary game during lockdown, with sourdough starters and AeroPress cold brews leading the charge, there's only one thing to say to Johnson: step it up.

So far, there have been no responses from Raffaele Trombetta, Italy’s Ambassador to the UK since 2018, or Armando Varricchio, Italy’s Ambassador to the US for the past four years.

Likewise, Liu Xiaoming, China’s Ambassador to the UK, along with Josephat Karanja and Gaitri I. Kumar, the High Commissioners of Kenya and India to the UK, have all remained silent on the TikTok tea saga.

Is the time for silence finally over?