Parents can discover valuable lessons from the role-playing world of Dungeons & Dragons.

Growing up in Keller, Texas, I was one of the kids who played Dungeons & Dragons. My brother often took on the role of dungeon master, while I played a wizard casting fireballs in tight spaces.

Years later, when the pandemic hit, I began teaching my son and 15 other kids from our Kansas City neighborhood how to play this iconic role-playing game, co-created by Gary Gygax in 1974. As the dungeon master, I crafted the stories and guided them through a fantastical world.

During the Covid-19 pandemic, I turned to Dungeons & Dragons as a way to pass the time. It became an unexpected yet effective method for parenting, with moral dilemmas unfolding in the course of long gaming sessions. Should the players engage with the barkeep or raid his tavern? Would the children become ‘murder hobos,’ a term for characters who ruthlessly attack others?

Shelly Mazzanoble wasn’t surprised that Dungeons & Dragons became a tool for my parenting. She’s exploring the same idea in her upcoming book, 'How to Dungeon Master Parenting: A Guidebook for Gamifying the Child-Rearing Quest, Leveling Up Your Skills, and Raising Future Adventurers,' set to release on November 12.

Mazzanoble explained, 'Dungeon masters exhibit some of the best qualities humans can possess. They are generous, kind, collaborative, and open-minded. Plus, they have the coolest gear.'

To mark the 50th anniversary of Dungeons & Dragons, I spoke with Mazzanoble to discover how parents can apply the game’s teachings to their parenting techniques.

The following conversation has been lightly edited and condensed for clarity.

Dinogo: How do the roles of a dungeon master and a parent compare?

Shelly Mazzanoble: Dungeons & Dragons is all about collaborative storytelling, and as the dungeon master, you’re guiding the group through an adventure full of uncertainty. I don't know what will happen next, but my job is to ensure everyone stays safe, enjoys themselves, and faces challenges that are tough but not overwhelming. The unpredictability is what dungeon masters thrive on, while it’s something parents often dread. But just like in D&D, you keep moving forward as a dungeon master.

When my son was around 5 or 6, I realized that if I could adopt the same mindset as a dungeon master, I’d probably be a better parent. Then it hit me: why not approach parenting like a D&D game? Why can’t parenting be a shared adventure, a story we both create together, unfolding right before our eyes?

Dinogo: How should parents begin this journey?

Mazzanoble: Begin with 'session zero,' a concept from gaming where the party first gathers with the dungeon master to discuss the characters they want to play.

For parents, 'session zero' is the same concept. It’s about gathering the people who will support you in your parenting journey, discussing what it means to raise a child together. What are your goals as parents? How do you want to nurture this child? What’s your approach to discipline? It’s surprising how many parents have never discussed basic decisions like whether to use a pacifier or what kind of discipline methods to apply. Will you use time-outs or grounding?

Dinogo: You mention that generosity and collaboration are key. Can you explain what you mean?

Mazzanoble: I love the concept of teamwork. If I’m not the rogue — a class known for its stealth and trickery — I won’t try to pick the lock, but I’ll support the rogue by keeping watch or distracting a guard with a magic trick. Everyone in the group needs support. Similarly, as a wizard, I’ll rely on the rogue to protect me and clear the way when I cast my fireballs.

Now, take this approach with your kids. Involve them in discussions, let them share in decision-making, and give them autonomy as they grow, while providing the support they need.

Dinogo: Parenting can sometimes feel isolating. How can you find your fellow adventurers to help on this journey?

Mazzanoble: Finding your parenting community is crucial. These are the people who understand what you’re going through and won’t hold it against you if you miss replying to a text. They’re the ones you can relax with and bring your kid along, and they just get it.

Local hospitals often have resources or can point you toward meetups and parenting groups. Look into early childhood intervention programs or new parent support groups in your area to start building your network of fellow parents.

Dinogo: Being a new parent can feel overwhelming, and we often judge ourselves harshly. How can we reset and continue on this journey of parenting?

Mazzanoble: You have to view failure as an opportunity to craft a new chapter in your story. Don’t let failure carry shame — I probably fail multiple times a day with my kid, but am I really failing, or am I just learning more about him? Those moments are the unexpected parts of your story you didn’t know were coming.

Dinogo: What is sandbox framing, and how does it apply to both Dungeons & Dragons and parenting?

Mazzanoble: Sandbox framing is the concept that while there may be chaos, there is also a sense of control within it. It’s a world that evolves as you build it, step by step.

As a parent, how do you navigate this sandbox? A strong team in a sandbox environment lays out a variety of toys and simply observes, wondering which ones the kids will engage with and how they will play. Your role is to guide the story from the sidelines.

Parenting is much the same. You’ve created a safe space for your child to explore. Every element in that space is approved and safe. Your job is to sit back and watch where their journey will take them.

You’re the lifeguard in the sandbox. Your role is to add or remove things as needed — ensuring your child is both having fun and learning. They develop agency over their own lives, which is an essential habit and skill we need to nurture as parents.

Dinogo: Our children will face challenges we never experienced. Can role-playing help them build the skills they need to grow?

Mazzanoble: We role-play constantly, even outside of D&D. It’s how I teach my son empathy. I ask him, 'What would you do in this situation? What if you were the kid in class with no friends?' He’ll respond, 'That feels awful. I hate that.' Then, the next day, he might go to school and invite someone to lunch.

In D&D, this approach works because he can see the direct consequences of his decisions. It’s all about actions and their outcomes. By letting your kids see how their choices impact others and shape their future, you empower them to understand the real-world implications of their actions.

Shannon Carpenter is a writer, the author of 'The Ultimate Stay-at-Home Dad,' and a married father of three.