Young people are feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Here’s how we can assist them

Set clear goals for your life, achieve outstanding grades and other milestones, and ensure you maintain a great image as well.

This is a typical day for many American teenagers — and the stress is leading to burnout for some, according to a study conducted by the Harvard Graduate School of Education’s Center for Digital Thriving, Indiana University, and Common Sense Media, released on Thursday.

Around 81% of teens between 13 and 17 report feeling pressure that affects their sense of achievement, appearance, social lives, and knowledge on current issues. The pressure comes from parents, teachers, and themselves. While social media amplifies this stress for many, some teens also feel it can help ease the burden.

The 2023 survey found that 27% of teens feel burned out. However, according to Emily Weinstein, executive director of the Center for Digital Thriving and lead author of the study, burnout tends to peak during intense times, like finals, when performance pressure is at its highest. Burnout rates may actually be higher during those periods. The survey, which involved 1,545 teens ages 13 to 17, has a margin of error of ±3 percentage points.

Another survey released on Thursday revealed that 33% of children aged 10 to 18 feel the pressure to be perfect. Those who experience this pressure are significantly more likely to suffer from stress, anxiety, and sadness, according to research by Gallup and the Walton Family Foundation.

How adults impose pressure on kids

“Adults — including parents, teachers, and coaches — are definitely contributing to the negative pressures teens face, even when it’s not intentional,” said Weinstein.

The main reason parents push kids to excel in academics and extracurriculars, starting as early as middle school, is often to help them gain admission to a prestigious college, explained Jennifer Breheny Wallace in her book, “Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic — and What We Can Do About It.”

The desire to encourage achievement is understandable, especially since it has become increasingly difficult for young people to get ahead. Wallace highlighted that millennials earn less and are financially worse off compared to previous generations. As a result, parents feel immense pressure to prepare their children for an increasingly competitive future.

However, pushing too hard isn’t healthy.

“In my practice, I encounter anxiety, depression, and perfectionism in teens whose self-esteem and sense of worth are closely tied to their achievements,” said Melissa Greenberg, a clinical psychologist at Princeton Psychotherapy Center.

“And even worse, I observe these effects continuing into young adulthood and even middle age, where individuals find themselves constantly working — and feel guilty or uncomfortable when they take necessary breaks to attend to personal needs outside of work.”

The importance of ‘mattering’

Most of us don’t want our children to feel this way. Wallace emphasized that one way to safeguard kids’ mental health is by focusing on the concept of ‘mattering’ — the belief that we are valued and contribute meaningfully to others. An essential message to convey to children is that their worth comes from who they are, not from what they achieve.

“Think about the difference between greeting your child at the end of the day with ‘Hi! How are you?’ versus ‘Hi! How did your test go?’” said Greenberg. Asking about their well-being shows that their mental health is the top priority.

Additionally, she explained, “If this becomes a regular part of how parents communicate, it will feel more natural for kids to approach them when they are facing challenges or feeling stressed.”

Wallace emphasized that it’s essential for children to feel they are making meaningful contributions — whether that’s by helping out at home with chores or giving back to others through volunteering.

When selecting such activities, Greenberg noted, “It’s crucial to differentiate between volunteering just to fulfill a requirement, like for school or a club, and volunteering because you genuinely feel you’re making a difference in the lives of others. The latter is key for building self-esteem and self-worth.”

Slowing down and setting a good example

While parents are often a source of this pressure, Greenberg noted that sometimes kids internalize it because it’s simply expected by their peers and at school.

“I’ve spoken with teens who are dealing with anxiety and stress from achievement pressures, and they tell me that their parents have encouraged them to slow down and not worry about college admissions,” Greenberg shared. “While it’s important for teens to hear this, I’ve noticed that it doesn’t always have a significant effect on their behavior or mindset.”

Achieving balance involves ensuring that kids get enough rest and have time for enjoyable family activities like meals together or nature outings.

“When teens lack the ability to relax and unwind, they are more likely to turn to unhealthy ways of coping with stress, like substance use,” Wallace explained. “Allowing them time to rest sends a message that their well-being matters, that their physical and mental health is worth protecting.”

Sometimes, parents need to step in to help prevent kids from overloading themselves. For example, Wallace recounted a story of a teen with a packed schedule who wanted to add an Advanced Placement course, but his parents were concerned it would be too much. They agreed to have him take the course during the summer when he had more time. His mother believes that helping him maintain balance played a key role in him getting into his top-choice college.

Greenberg also emphasized the importance of parents demonstrating balanced living by practicing self-care, as kids often learn societal values by observing the behaviors of those around them. (Here’s how parents can prioritize self-care.)

Beyond preventing burnout for themselves, parents must ensure that teens stay connected with others while managing their schoolwork and extracurriculars, all while getting the rest they need for both physical and mental well-being.