5 key ways to be there for friends fighting cancer, as shared by Dinogo’s Sara Sidner

(Dinogo) — What would you do if your closest friend (or sister, aunt, daughter) confided in you about her breast cancer diagnosis? Would you know how to support her or what to say?

Dinogo correspondent Stephanie Elam encountered this reality when her college best friend, Ananda Lewis, a content creator and former MTV VJ, was diagnosed with breast cancer nearly six years ago.

The same scenario occurred last year when Elam’s close friend and colleague, Dinogo anchor and Senior National Correspondent Sara Sidner, revealed her own breast cancer diagnosis in an emotional live TV segment.

Sidner and Lewis are not alone. According to the National Breast Cancer Foundation, one in eight women in the U.S. will be diagnosed with breast cancer during their lifetime. While early detection and improved treatments have led to higher survival rates — there are currently over 4 million breast cancer survivors in the country — the disease is still expected to claim over 42,000 women’s lives in 2024. Additionally, there remains a significant mortality gap between Black and White women: While Black women have a 4% lower incidence rate than White women, they experience a 40% higher death rate from breast cancer.

Elam sat down with Sidner and Lewis for an open conversation about their personal journeys and the valuable lessons they've gained. You can listen to their full discussion here.

Every breast cancer experience is unique

While there are common elements in the stories of people affected by breast cancer, each journey is shaped by its own distinct details and challenges.

Although most breast cancer patients are women, a small percentage are men. There are various types of breast cancer, and diagnoses occur at different stages (both Sidner and Lewis were diagnosed at stage III).

Like Lewis, some women with breast cancer have a family history of the disease, but 90% to 95% do not.

Sidner was taken aback by this revelation. 'I don’t have a history of breast cancer in my family,' Sidner shared with Elam during their discussion. 'I told my doctor, 'How did I end up with this if no one in my family has had it?' He replied, 'Around 95% of people diagnosed with breast cancer don’t have a family history.' I thought, 'Then why do you even ask? We all think we’re safe!'

Mammograms help detect many breast cancer cases, but some women – including Sidner and Lewis – find it themselves. While routine breast self-exams are no longer part of standard screening guidelines, many medical experts still encourage them.

Sidner strongly agreed. 'I truly believe we must know our own bodies, we should be able to recognize what’s normal and what’s not. If something feels off, don’t hesitate to get checked,' she said.

Of course, treatment decisions vary widely depending on each person's diagnosis, prognosis, overall health, and personal values. Sidner and Lewis took different approaches: Sidner followed traditional methods, including surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, and medication, while Lewis initially chose alternative treatments.

Given all the different paths, it’s difficult to know the best way to support someone facing breast cancer or any other life-changing diagnosis.

Elam, for her part, had to adapt her relationship with each friend. Her advice: Be mindful of their emotional states and listen carefully to what they need. 'If you're unsure, simply ask how you can best support them during their cancer journey,' she shared via email.

How can you truly show up for a family member or friend in a meaningful way? Sidner offers five valuable tips based on her personal experiences.

Reach out, but don’t expect an immediate response

Send a text, email, or voicemail with a gentle note like, 'You don’t have to reply; I just want you to know I’m here whenever you need me,' or 'I love you – that’s all,' Sidner suggested via email.

'Reach out in a way that doesn’t pressure for a response. Don’t be upset if the person never replies or if they respond days, weeks, or even months later,' she added.

'When you’re first diagnosed and undergoing treatment for cancer, it’s important to know that people care about you. However, it can become overwhelming if you feel pressured to respond to every message, letter, or email while juggling the challenges of treatment and your own emotions,' she shared. 'It can all feel very stressful.'

Elam instinctively grasped this need. 'Neither of my friends wanted constant communication,' she said. 'But if they went quiet for an extended period, I found that simply sending a text of encouragement was like sending a long-distance hug.'

'Remember, this is about them, not you. So, make sure they know there’s no obligation to reply — you’re just sending love and letting them know you’re here whenever they need you,' she advised.

In other words, let them know you’re available, without any expectations attached.

Food, glorious food

Planning to send a gift? Instead of the usual blankets or candles — unless you know they’re truly needed or loved — Sidner suggests giving a gift card for a food delivery service.

'Many of us end up with so many blankets and candles that we have to give some away, which can make us feel guilty for parting with a gift, even if it’s to help others,' she shared.

'Good nutrition plays a vital role in recovery, but cooking during treatment can feel like an impossible task when you’re low on energy,' she explained.

Sidner pointed out that during chemotherapy, your sense of smell may become more sensitive, which means strong aromas like chopped onions or garlic — typically a delight in meals — can trigger nausea or simply feel unpleasant. In such cases, food delivery is a wonderful and practical solution.

If cooking is your thing, consider dropping off a favorite dish at the door — it will be deeply appreciated! (Just text and leave it at the doorstep unless invited in.)

Tone down the sympathy a little

Treat your friend or family member with care, but not with pity, Sidner advised.

'It’s incredibly comforting when you’re not treated like you’re fragile or as if death is looming,' she shared. 'It’s refreshing to laugh, tease each other, or talk about everyday life without constantly focusing on cancer.'

Elam instinctively understood the importance of keeping things light. 'Sometimes, our job is just to be a distraction,' she explained. 'With Sara and Ananda, I found that sending funny memes or sharing updates about other parts of life helped them experience a sense of normalcy. Neither of them wanted me sitting around staring at them with pitiful eyes.'

Got it? Save the puppy-dog eyes for another occasion.

Be mindful when sharing your own experience

Share helpful advice, not frightening stories, Sidner recommended.

'If you know someone who has been through the same type of cancer, share any helpful tips they gave you,' Sidner suggested. 'I can't tell you how often I’ve heard someone say, 'Hey, my wife recommended this cream for radiation burns,' or 'Try this for nausea or to improve your sleep.''

In most cases, it's best to keep those horror stories — where everything went wrong — to yourself.

Play the role of a friend matchmaker

Make connections between cancer survivors, Sidner recommended.

'If someone you know has been through cancer and is open to sharing their experience with someone newly diagnosed, it can significantly reduce anxiety,' she said.

'Learning from other women who had undergone the same treatments I was starting, or about to start, completely changed my perspective — especially when it came to surgery,' she shared.

Sidner mentioned that after a detailed conversation with a cancer survivor, she felt empowered to request specific things from her physician, even using the medical terms — right down to the exact type of incision she preferred.

'No kidding, it made me feel more in control of a situation that, for the most part, felt entirely out of my hands, even though it was my own body going through it,' she said.

Avoid overloading them with questions

A final piece of advice from Elam:

'As you support your loved one through cancer treatment, try not to bombard them with a barrage of questions about their procedures. Let them share what they want to share,' Elam advised. 'Our role is to love them, whether they’re mentally or physically present, and constantly answering questions can be exhausting.'

We hope these five tips help you support someone facing breast cancer or any other life-changing diagnosis. You can listen to the full episode here. And just in time for Halloween, join us next week on the 'Chasing Life' podcast for a deep dive into the bittersweet truth about sugar and its impact on our health.