My Flight Companion Is (Very) Intoxicated. What Should I Do?

Unpacked is Dinogo’s latest advice column. Each month, our columnist Dr. Anu Taranath tackles an ethical dilemma faced by a reader. Taranath, based in Seattle, Washington, is a speaker, facilitator, and educator focused on racial equity and social change. She authored the book Beyond Guilt Trips: Mindful Travel in an Unequal World (Between the Lines, 2019). If you have a question you'd like addressed, please send it to [email protected].

Dear Unpacked,

I’d appreciate your take on a disagreement I had with my friends last week. During a recent flight, the woman beside me consumed what I counted as eight tiny vodka bottles. She then began to loudly mock fellow passengers, pretended to be on a phone call, attempted to cozy up to me, and spilled half a bottle of water on my pants. While she didn’t become aggressive, it was definitely an uncomfortable journey—I was grateful to have an extra pair of pants in my carry-on. Although the flight attendants appeared to sympathize, the flight was completely full, leaving me nowhere to go.

I believe the flight attendants should have intervened after noticing her tipsiness. My friends argue that I wasn’t in any danger, that drinking on a plane is one of the few remaining pleasures of air travel, and that ultimately, I gained a humorous travel story. What’s your opinion? —P.G.

Dear P.G.,

Spending hours in the air next to someone inconsiderate must have been quite distressing—especially with the unwanted touching and spilled water. In recent years, air travel has become increasingly difficult for both travelers and crew due to poor behavior, delays, and cancellations. Passengers seek a smooth journey, while flight attendants strive to ensure safety and comfort. Unfortunately, your experience fell short because of the disruptive passenger next to you.

Although flight crews have greater authority than passengers in handling misconduct, their options are also limited. Had they decided to cut off the passenger's alcohol earlier, it might have helped her sober up. However, veteran flight attendant Kristie Koerbel noted in the New York Times that this usually doesn't end well. 'Most people argue and insist they're fine,' she explained. 'If matters escalate, we remind them that their behavior could breach federal law, and we can arrange for law enforcement to meet them upon landing.'

In your situation, the passenger could have displayed her discontent in more dramatic ways than just spilling water on you. Some people become loud and animated when drinking, while others simply fall asleep. The flight crew might have been faced with the tough choice of continuing to serve her quietly among a series of less-than-ideal options.

Your inquiry also brings to mind our desire for uninterrupted comfort in all aspects of life. Nowadays, we can enhance our daily experiences for maximum predictability. Whether ordering food or making a big purchase, we have the ability to choose who we interact with and eliminate inconveniences with just a swipe. While I appreciate this predictability, I ponder what this curated reality means for our travel experiences, which can often be much messier.

Traveling exposes us to new situations that often cannot be controlled at the touch of a button. While the thrill of exploration can lead to wonderful new connections, it can also result in frustrating moments. How do we navigate these times of inconvenience and annoyance?

The world is filled with imperfect yet remarkable people. Perhaps that inebriated passenger was grappling with her own challenges that day, and her behavior was a reflection of her situation. It’s possible the flight was understaffed, and the crew was managing even worse disruptions elsewhere. Recognizing these circumstances doesn’t mean you have to accept her behavior. You have every right to feel frustrated with both the passenger and the flight attendants for their inadequate response. Imagine how convenient it would have been to simply swipe left and select a new seatmate!

I gently encourage you to view this incident, as your friends have suggested, as 'a funny travel story.' This perspective might lessen its emotional weight and reduce your suffering. You’ve already dealt with the passenger's antics and had to change into dry pants on that flight—why drag out the discomfort? Many travel experiences don’t lend themselves to the 'funny story' category. Be thankful that the situation didn’t escalate further and find ways to chuckle at the absurdity of it all. After all, they say travel is about embracing the unexpected; in your case, the unexpected tried to embrace you!