S2, E27: How Should I Respond When Someone Asks Me for Money While Traveling?

In her debut advice column, Dr. Anu Taranath addressed a reader’s query on how to handle panhandling as a traveler. In this episode of Unpacked, Dr. Anu elaborates on her response and offers guidance on managing the situation with dignity and respect—for everyone involved.

Transcript

Aislyn Greene, host: I’m Aislyn Greene, and welcome to Unpacked, the podcast that dives into a challenging travel topic each week. Today, we’re delving into a question from our digital ethics column, also titled Unpacked.

Dr. Anu Taranath joins us as our new columnist. She is a speaker, facilitator, consultant, and educator focused on racial equity and social change. Additionally, she authored Beyond Guilt Trips: Mindful Travel in an Unequal World, which Oprah Magazine recognized as one of the top 26 travel books. It’s an excellent read that addresses many concerns raised in the very first question Anu tackled in her Unpacked column. Here’s that question:

Dear Unpacked,

My husband and I journeyed from Connecticut to Colombia in April, and it was an incredible experience. While exploring Cartagena and capturing photos of the city’s iconic doors, a young mother with her baby approached us. She gestured to her baby and then to her stomach, implying they were in need of food, and extended her hand. My heart ached—I once was a young mother too—and I promptly gave her all the pesos I had in my purse. Although my husband remained silent at that moment, he later expressed concern that I may have contributed to a negative industry. Was my action justified? — Take My Coins

We’ll include a link to the column and Anu’s reply in our show notes, but Anu joined us to discuss her insights. Let’s listen to her thoughts.

Aislyn: Anu, it’s great to have you back on Unpacked. Wonderful to see you again.

Dr. Anu Taranath, columnist: Thank you.

Aislyn: Today, we’re discussing your latest column—specifically, the topic of panhandling. It’s a significant issue. I’d love to hear your first thoughts on it.

Anu: I needed a moment to reflect because for many travelers, this is a very relatable concern. I’m sure it struck a chord with numerous readers. It has been a recurring theme in my travel experiences for as long as I can remember, and it’s truly a heartbreaking question.

We often see ourselves in others. This question is particularly poignant because it confronts us with the broader issues of inequality in the world. What does it mean to exist in an unequal society? It’s unacceptable, but how do we respond? How do we cope with it? How do we navigate these feelings?

Aislyn: It seems like we’re shifting from the broad view to the personal, right? Addressing large-scale inequality in a single moment. I’m curious why you think this specific scenario causes such unease. Some people might choose to ignore the individual and walk away, while others feel compelled to give everything they have. What do you believe happens internally when we confront this situation?

Anu: In these moments, we often feel overwhelmed. Understanding on a macro level that the world is unequal is one thing, but when that inequality confronts you directly, pointing to her belly and her child, it places us—and many others who have faced similar moments—in a vastly different situation.

It’s much more immediate. You can’t just switch it off. It’s right in front of you. The truth is, the world’s inequities are constantly visible, even if they aren’t always expressed in such a stark, dramatic way as a young mother pointing to her belly. However, to exist in an unequal world, we can’t be constantly aware of these inequities.

There’s a limit to what the human mind and heart can handle, right? Living in an unequal world forces us to selectively focus on what’s directly in front of us. This is, of course, unsettling.

Yet, that’s just our nature. We move from having a veil over our eyes to occasionally peeking through it to understand the realities of others.

Aislyn: It makes me wonder, back home, would this traveler have responded the same way? Is it possible that being in a foreign country heightens their awareness of such reactions?

Anu: That’s a very perceptive point. I’ve noticed in my travels and while working with groups that we tend to be more emotionally exposed when away from home, whereas we often become more calloused and guarded in familiar surroundings. That’s part of the beauty of travel, isn’t it? It makes us vulnerable, open, and receptive to new experiences and feelings.

What would it look like to cultivate a bit of softness at home, so that I can experience deep emotions not just when I’m abroad—whether I choose to give money to that woman or not—but also in moments of connection that highlight the disparities of equity and inequity? These are uncomfortable realities, and they make us uneasy. It’s no surprise we build defenses against them at home, right?

Aislyn: Absolutely. As you mentioned, it's tough to confront that every single day. It might be easier to turn off that part of your heart or mind when faced with it regularly. What are your thoughts on her decision to give the money?

Anu: I believe her choice to give the woman money and empty her pockets of pesos in that moment is entirely valid. I have also given money to those who have asked, both at home and while traveling. Sometimes I choose not to give, whether I'm at home or abroad.

Over the years, I’ve learned to be kinder to myself when grappling with finding the so-called right answer or response to a complex situation that doesn’t necessarily have one clear solution. I’ve also learned to focus on the immediate, staying present with the woman or person in front of me.

Moreover, I’ve come to step back and consider the broader systems at play in situations like this—what contributes to the incident occurring here? I believe that if individuals had more choices, they would likely make different ones.

Aislyn: Absolutely. I mean, regardless of the background story, I think most people wouldn’t willingly choose to be in that situation. It seems like you’re suggesting that if someone feels compelled to give in any circumstance, it’s generally harmless.

I’ve often pondered alternatives to giving cash. For instance, when you stop at a light and see someone holding a sign asking for money, food, or a ride, it’s tough to just sit in your car feeling like you have nothing to offer. My grandmother used to keep a box of snacks in her car, and whenever she encountered someone in need, she would share granola bars or even tuna packets. What’s your take on offering something like that instead of cash?

Anu: Once again, without understanding the specific circumstances or challenges faced by the person before us, it’s difficult to determine the best course of action. Some individuals would genuinely appreciate the snacks your grandmother generously provided; I think that’s a lovely idea. However, I’ve also encountered people who aren’t interested in the granola bars we offer and instead prefer cash to meet their own needs.

Because we lack that context, the hesitation from the husband and the question of whether this perpetuates a negative industry can lead to a lot of doubt—making us wonder, "What will this money be used for?" It might feel more ethical or responsible to give a granola bar or sandwich instead of three or five dollars, as we can be unsure of its intended use.

At times, we may act as moral guardians, trying to guide the person in front of us toward what we perceive as the "right choice." A sandwich or granola bar might seem like a simpler and more straightforward contribution than cash, which carries an air of uncertainty: "What will you do with it? Will you use it wisely?" After all, no one is scrutinizing how we use our own money, right?

Aislyn: Indeed, many of us aren’t.

Anu: Exactly! In those situations, we often assume the role of moral arbiters when we choose to show compassion, and that compassion can come with conditions, right? There are always strings attached. So, I still find myself questioning what the right approach is in these scenarios.

Sometimes we might feel content with our actions, while at other times we’ll reflect and think, "That was pointless, and I should have acted differently." This is all part of the experience. We take a moment to breathe and remind ourselves that we didn’t create the world we live in. The inequities we face are deeply rooted and far more complex than just the choices we make at that intersection, whether we give someone a granola bar, a sandwich, or four dollars.

Aislyn: That’s an excellent observation regarding the conditions attached to our giving and the moral policing that can arise. If we choose to give money, it should ideally be without any strings.

Food donations can also lead to tricky situations: "What’s your background? What drives your need?" It’s important to reflect on those motivations. What are your thoughts on supporting larger organizations in the city, like those in Cartagena that aim to help people escape poverty?

Anu: Absolutely, this resonates deeply with my personal values regarding this discussion. For me, if we have more than we truly need—which applies to many of us—it’s our duty and privilege to share, no matter where we find ourselves in the world.

Whenever I have the chance to travel, I consider it my responsibility to familiarize myself with the area I’m visiting—within reasonable limits, of course. I aim to understand some of the broader social challenges and dynamics present in that region.

I reach out to my friends and colleagues from that area, asking, "Who is doing admirable work here? What organizations or groups are tackling the complex issues facing your community?" I engage in these conversations back home as well. My travel philosophy involves sharing what I have, which doesn’t always mean directly giving to someone who asks for help in front of me.

While my approach can sometimes include that direct giving, it also encompasses supporting larger systemic organizations and groups working at an institutional level to create more opportunities and dignity for everyone. There isn’t a single correct response to these challenges. The more we can engage at various levels—micro, macro, personal, and intellectual—the closer we get to finding, if not the right answer, at least a more thoughtful solution to these difficult questions.

Aislyn: Indeed. It seems this reader took the opportunity to reflect on her situation, which could be a springboard for her to explore broader issues, conduct research, or view things from a new perspective. The mere fact that she’s questioning whether she "did the right thing" indicates that, in that moment, she found it acceptable, but now she's wondering, "What comes next?"

Anu: Indeed. Each of these moments can serve as a catalyst, right? Our lives are filled with both triumphs and challenges, both near and far. The more we engage with the stories of those who are similar to us and those who are different, the more we uncover the intricate realities of our world.

Any instance that makes us feel uneasy, prompts us to pause, or leads us to question, "Did I make the right choice?" is a valuable opportunity to reflect on our values and consider, "Who do I aspire to be in this world?"

Aislyn: Absolutely, there are so many introspective questions we can explore. Reflecting on your own experiences, this reader shared a personal narrative, and I’m curious about your own encounters with individuals seeking help during your travels.

Anu: When I was in Dakar, Senegal, I was with two colleagues—one a white woman and the other a Black American woman, while I’m a South Asian American. Together, we formed a diverse trio navigating a market in Dakar when three men approached us asking for money.

We responded with smiles and shook our heads, continuing on our way. After a short while, two of the men walked away, but one remained persistent, loudly accusing us, saying, "Are you racist? Is that why you refuse to give money? You must be racist, right?"

It was a deeply complex and unsettling moment for the three of us. As educators focused on racial issues, we view ourselves as being on the right side of these conversations. When we turned around, my Black colleague stated, "I’m Black, just like you. What are you talking about? It’s not about racism; I just don’t want to give money at this moment."

The discussion escalated with the Senegalese man repeatedly asserting, "You must be racist; that’s why you’re not giving me any money." Later, as the tension eased and we reflected on the incident, we recognized it as a clever tactic by the man to make Americans confront their feelings of guilt, shame, history, and inequality with a statement that would resonate with anyone on either side of the Atlantic.

No one I know wishes to be labeled a racist, and such an accusation prompts a pause filled with intense emotions—shame, guilt, defensiveness, or denial. I found myself thinking that if I could meet this man again, I would love to have a conversation with him.

I would ask, "How did you come to believe this would be an effective approach for you? What results have you seen from it?" I’m genuinely curious about his experiences with foreigners in his community and the kinds of reactions he has encountered. Do many foreigners actually give?

Do they struggle to accept that this Senegalese man sees them as racist, prompting them to open their wallets? Or do they feel so awkward that they hurriedly leave, hoping no one heard his words? I’ve had many instances similar to the reader’s question, where someone asks for money, gestures to their stomach, or points to a child.

I've encountered situations where individuals approach me, particularly when I'm in India and sitting in an open auto rickshaw. People come up to us and clearly say, "If you don’t give me anything, we will curse you."

This leads to a moment of reflection: "What are the stakes here? Suddenly, the stakes feel significantly heightened."

Aislyn: Yes, absolutely.

Anu: It mirrors the strategy of that Senegalese man who heightened the stakes by highlighting race in that specific moment at the market in Dakar. My colleagues and I chose not to give him anything, even after he labeled us as racist. We moved on, but that experience has lingered in my mind for the past few years.

It's a situation I frequently revisit as I wrestle with the narratives we create about ourselves and others, and how we might exploit race in ways that can be either constructive or detrimental to achieve our goals. At the time, it was a deeply unsettling moment, and even recounting it to you now, years later, it still feels profoundly uncomfortable.

Aislyn: Wow, he was remarkably skilled at tapping into fundamental human emotions—like the fear of curses or the guilt associated with privilege. Those feelings can really halt people in their tracks or even make them flee.

I can imagine individuals wanting to give something just to alleviate that discomfort and guilt right away, thinking, "Alright, alright."

Anu: "No, no, that’s not who I am. Please don’t curse my family" or "I’m not racist, I swear." I totally understand.

Aislyn: It’s a clever tactic.

Anu: Absolutely, it’s a clever tactic. It makes me wonder: where did he acquire that approach? How does it play out for him?

Aislyn: Is he still posing that question?

Anu: Exactly.

Aislyn: We can only imagine. I can sense how uncomfortable that moment must have been for the three of you. It's intriguing that your colleague engaged in a dialogue with him.

Anu: I appreciated that moment because the three of us—an American white woman, a Black woman, and myself, a brown woman—were all impacted by his words in distinct ways. We experienced shock and discomfort, but our diverse backgrounds around race and racism led to a profound discussion later that day.

Aislyn: That’s a truly impactful story. Thank you for sharing it. Now, stepping back a bit, is there anything else you’d like to convey to readers for when they encounter a similar situation? Because we will all face it again, likely sooner than we think.

Anu: The more strategies we possess, the better we can handle the situations we encounter. Keeping a few granola bars in our car for distribution is a good idea. It's wise to have some small change at home and while traveling for those moments when we feel inclined to offer some actual money to someone in need. We should also take a step back and think about both our local community and the ones we visit, aligning ourselves with those who are striving to create more dignity and opportunity for others in their lives.

Ultimately, if there's one takeaway for people: There isn't a single correct answer. We have a variety of responses to consider, both individually and collectively. The more we acknowledge the discomfort we experience in those situations, the better equipped we will be to navigate the next challenge, and the one after that.

Aislyn: That encapsulates Dr. Anu Taranath’s perspective. As mentioned, we'll link to the column in our show notes. You can explore more of Dr. Anu's work at anutaranath.com, and we’ll also include her book, Beyond Guilt Trips, in our notes.

If you have a question you'd like Dr. Anu to answer, please email [email protected]. We would love to feature your question in a future episode. Thank you for tuning in. We’ll see you next week.

Ready for more exploration? Visit Dinogo.com, and don't forget to follow us on Instagram and Twitter. The magazine is @Dinogomedia. If you enjoyed today’s discussion, I hope you’ll return for more fascinating stories. Subscribing makes it simple! You can find Unpacked on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your preferred podcast platform. Please rate and review the show; it helps other travelers discover it. We want to hear from you: Is there a travel dilemma, trend, or topic you’d like us to investigate? Reach out at Dinogo.com/feedback or email us at unpacked@Dinogo.com.

You’ve been listening to Unpacked, brought to you by Dinogo Media. This podcast is produced by Aislyn Greene and Nikki Galteland, with music composed by Chris Colin.

And don’t forget: The world is complex. We’re here to assist you in unraveling it.