The American couple who found love while visiting North Korea

Ryan Carlson was in the midst of a backpacking adventure in New Zealand when he received the email: North Korea was reopening its borders to American tourists.

It was September 2005. At 25, Carlson worked as an independent futures trader in Chicago, a flexible job that gave him plenty of time to travel.

North Korea had long been on Carlson’s travel radar, but the reclusive nation hadn’t welcomed American tourists since 2002.

The email, sent by Beijing-based Koryo Tours, announced that trips for US citizens would be available for just the next four weekends.

Carlson cut his New Zealand trip short, returned to Chicago to sort out his visa, then flew to Beijing to join the Koryo Tours group.

At the same time, 30-year-old Shauna Cheng was flipping through an English magazine in Beijing when she stumbled upon an advertisement for Koryo Tours’ North Korea tours.

Originally from the San Francisco Bay Area, Cheng had moved to China temporarily for work, eager to immerse herself in Beijing and learn Mandarin.

A visit to North Korea seemed like an unconventional yet fascinating opportunity.

“Why not?” thought Cheng, and she promptly signed up for the trip.

A flight to Pyongyang

On October 8, 2005, the American travelers gathered in Beijing, introduced themselves to each other, and boarded a plane to Pyongyang, filled with excitement and anticipation.

“There was so much energy. We were embarking on this unknown adventure, not sure what to expect, and knowing it would be unlike anything we’d ever experienced,” Carlson recalls.

Cheng and Carlson found themselves seated next to each other on the bus ride from Pyongyang airport to their hotel.

“Ryan struck me as a genuinely friendly guy with great vibes,” Cheng recalls.

They exchanged a few words about Singapore – Cheng’s parents were originally from there, and Carlson had recently visited – but most of their conversation revolved around the unknowns of what awaited them in North Korea.

“I’m no smooth talker,” Carlson admits. “It was more about sharing that sense of excitement together – and it wasn’t just us, everyone in the group was in high spirits.”

Among the American tourists, Cheng and Carlson were the youngest by far.

“Everyone had their own fascinating backstory,” Carlson recalls of the group, including a former Soviet dissident eager to experience another communist nation.

The centerpiece of the trip was the Arirang Mass Games, a massive performance featuring “100,000 dancers, gymnasts, and musicians in flawless coordination,” according to Koryo Tours’ website.

Carlson describes the spectacle as “truly awe-inspiring.”

For Cheng, the most memorable part of the journey was visiting the northern side of the border at Panmunjom, the iconic site that separates North and South Korea.

“It was fascinating to see how South Korean soldiers stood between buildings, and I could also spot American military advisers observing us from their building with binoculars,” she remembers.

Tourism in North Korea is heavily regulated by the government – visitors are required to remain with their designated guide and are not allowed to explore independently.

Upon arriving in Pyongyang, the Americans’ phones were confiscated, as was customary at the time.

“With no distractions, no internet, and knowing our trip was short, we were completely immersed in the moment,” Carlson reflects, adding that he felt secure throughout the journey, trusting the Koryo Tours leaders.

“Even though I felt safe with Koryo Tours, as an American, I had no diplomatic support if something went wrong, so it was all about respecting the guides and following their direction,” Cheng explains.

The U.S. government currently advises against traveling to North Korea due to the “serious risk of arrest and prolonged detention of U.S. citizens” – in addition to the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic.

Since September 2017, after the tragic death of U.S. tourist Otto Warmbier following his arrest in North Korea, Americans have been largely prohibited from visiting the country, except in very specific cases. U.S. citizens now require special permission to enter North Korea.

Possible connection

During their three-day trip in 2005, Carlson shared a hotel room with an older man, Ken, from New York. Ken kept urging Carlson to spend more time with Cheng.

Carlson was certainly interested in getting to know her better, and the idea of romance had definitely crossed his mind.

“I was 25 and single, and she was beautiful and also single. Naturally, there was potential there,” Carlson admits.

But he wasn’t sure how Cheng felt about him – and the last thing he wanted was to make her uneasy by pushing for more interaction than she was comfortable with.

Over the course of the trip, however, Cheng and Carlson discovered they shared similar views on life – both were passionate about travel and gaining a deeper understanding of other cultures through firsthand experience.

When the tour wrapped up, the group flew back to Beijing, where Cheng and Carlson spent time together at a show before Carlson headed back to Chicago.

They were simply friends, they clarify – with Ken, the man Carlson had shared a room with in Pyongyang, joining them as well.

Before Carlson returned home, he and Cheng exchanged email addresses, hoping to reconnect once they were both back in the United States.

Cheng’s stay in Beijing was coming to an end that December, after which she would be heading back to California.

As luck would have it, Carlson’s sister was studying at the University of California, Berkeley at the time, so he found himself visiting the San Francisco Bay Area frequently.

In the months that followed, Cheng and Carlson stayed in touch through emails and the occasional phone call.

Carlson appreciates the limitations of early 2000s internet communication, as it forced them to put in real effort to keep in touch.

“You had to put in the effort to make it work,” Carlson reflects. “Like with most worthwhile things, the more you invest, the more you gain.”

A reunion in America

Right before Christmas in 2005, Cheng returned to California. A few months later, Carlson traveled to visit his sister and took the opportunity to meet up with Cheng.

“We had dinner with his sister and one of his close friends, and I didn’t have any expectations,” Cheng recalls.

“Afterwards, we went out for drinks in San Francisco, and that’s when we shared our first kiss at the top of Nob Hill.”

A relationship began to blossom. Carlson had to head back to Chicago, but they both started planning their next reunion.

“It happened gradually,” Carlson explains. “There wasn’t one defining moment.”

It wasn’t until Carlson’s third trip to San Francisco that they had an honest conversation about their feelings, both realizing they wanted to try making a long-distance relationship work.

Over the following months, Cheng and Carlson took turns flying back and forth between Chicago and California to visit each other.

“I’d only visited Chicago once before, so it was great to explore the city more with Ryan. Plus, he loved coming to California, so our shared love of travel made it the perfect arrangement,” says Cheng.

Around this time, Cheng was training for the San Diego Marathon, and Carlson flew out to surprise her at the finish line.

On another trip, they drove along the California coastline and spent a weekend in the scenic Monterey Bay area.

“Travel is always thrilling, but exploring new places for a growing relationship is as exciting as it gets,” says Carlson.

“The excitement of reuniting with someone you love, knowing that time together is limited before saying goodbye again, creates an energy unlike anything else in life,” says Carlson.

Whenever their trips ended and they parted ways, Cheng would always send Carlson a handwritten note by mail.

“She’d spray her perfume on the card before mailing it,” Carlson remembers fondly.

In the summer of 2006, Carlson joined Cheng on a family trip to Maui, Hawaii – marking the first time he spent an extended period with her family.

He quickly connected with her family, recognizing that Cheng’s parents had instilled a sense of adventure and independence in her, much like the values he had inherited from his own family.

“Shauna’s parents are both from Singapore, my mom’s from the Philippines, and my dad was the only one in his family to leave the farm and pursue a university education,” Carlson shares. “All of this influenced us to forge our own paths.”

The couple’s first romantic getaway abroad was to Paris, with Carlson planning a surprise weekend trip for Cheng’s birthday.

“She had visited Paris as a child with her family, and I had explored it as a backpacker, staying in hostels. So it was special to experience Paris together as a young couple, like the kind of trip you dream about,” he recalls.

As their relationship deepened, both Cheng and Carlson began to shift their focus from weekend getaways to thinking about their long-term future together.

For both of them, marriage felt like the natural progression.

“A true test of a relationship is how people feel when they’re apart, and we missed each other deeply, so getting engaged felt like a way to promise we’d stay together for life,” Carlson explains.

On July 4, 2007, Carlson proposed to Cheng as they watched the dazzling fireworks light up the Chicago skyline.

“As a first-generation American, I’ve always had a special fondness for the Fourth of July, so I was really looking forward to watching the fireworks and enjoying some Champagne,” Cheng recalls.

She hadn’t expected a proposal that night, but was absolutely thrilled when it happened.

The couple tied the knot the following year at the iconic Merchants Exchange Building in downtown San Francisco.

“It withstood the 1906 earthquake, which felt like a perfect metaphor for a marriage that’s meant to endure anything,” Cheng says.

After their wedding, Cheng and Carlson embarked on an extended honeymoon, traveling the globe, which included a return trip to North Korea with Koryo Tours and a stop in Beijing to witness the 2008 Summer Olympics.

Family travels

Over the years, the couple has continued to explore the world, from Turkmenistan to South Africa.

In August 2014, they welcomed their daughter, Céline, who now joins them on all their travels.

“We’ve already taken her to six continents and across much of the US,” shares Carlson.

Of course, the Covid-19 pandemic halted many of their travel plans, but the family did manage to visit French Polynesia in the summer of 2020 and recently spent some time in Maui.

Cheng and Carlson are currently focused on planning their next adventures – they're eager to show their daughter more of the world as borders begin to reopen.

“Our daughter Céline has made us an even tighter family unit,” says Carlson. “Becoming a parent has been the greatest joy of my life, something I could never have imagined at 25, though it certainly comes with its challenges too.”

“With a child, time flies so much faster, and the best way we've found to slow it down and make the most of it is to travel together.”