8 French Etiquette Tips from a Parisian Expat

The French often get a negative stereotype. However, after nearly a decade of living in Paris, I can assure you they're not rude; they're simply . . . French. They're not into hugs or loud interactions. Most are discreet traditionalists who may come off as a bit distant. So if you approach them with your exuberant American demeanor, you might find them a bit reserved. In short, it’s not entirely their fault, but it’s not entirely yours either. We all contribute!

Every culture has its nuances. Naturally, with your well-traveled passport and extensive air miles, you understand that each society has its unique customs. During my time living in France, I learned some subtle, unspoken etiquette rules that could enhance your next visit to Paris. Follow these, and tout va bien. Everything will be just fine.

1. Always greet with “Bonjour”

It seems straightforward: Just say hello. But think about the last time you greeted a stranger while waiting in an elevator. Exactly. In France, it’s customary to greet everyone you encounter. It’s a matter of politeness. The shopkeeper at the boutique? Bonjour. The barista preparing your crème? Bonjour. The neighbor you saw in the stairwell? Bonsoir. (Because it’s evening—don’t forget to switch greetings when the sun goes down, but don’t stress if you forget; the French do too.) Honestly, just utter “bonjour/bonsoir” whenever you're around others. It might seem trivial, but perhaps it’s also . . . lovely? And don’t forget that merci and s’il vous plaît (thank you and please) are invaluable as well.

2. Always Ask First

In the U.S., we’re used to getting things our way—often even when we shouldn’t (like asking for the bill while still savoring dessert). In France, the norm is to ask before doing anything. This applies to everything from visiting a market to placing an order at a café or requesting the check at a restaurant. You might feel inclined to smell a peach or squeeze an avocado at the marché, but many vendors prefer to choose the best pieces for you. (If there are empty bags available, feel free to serve yourself.) The same rule goes for taking photos—of fruit stands, art, and inside shops. (Your lunch shots are totally fine; they're used to that.)

While trendy coffee shops like Noir and Ten Belles now offer milk alternatives (ask for avoine if you want oat milk) and cold brew, don’t expect to find these on the menu at classic corner cafés. Also, when they say “cold,” it’s usually just two or three ice cubes. If you want real iced coffee, you’ll need to specify how much ice you want—or just go to Starbucks.

At restaurants, your bill won’t arrive until you request it. But please don’t shout “Garcon!” or wave your napkin around. Simple eye contact and a polite gesture, or saying “l’addition, s’il vous plaît”, will suffice.

3. Steer Clear of Work Conversations

In the U.S., asking someone about their profession is common small talk, often following questions like “What’s your name?” and “Where do you live?” In contrast, the French aren’t particularly interested in your job or title. They might inquire, “What do you do in life?” but they’re really asking what brings you joy. Even at a restaurant, a server might ask, “Ce qui vous fait plaisir?” (“What pleases you?”). This culture emphasizes work-to-live rather than live-to-work, so explore topics beyond the office grind. Interestingly, politics is a more welcomed subject for discussion.

4. Maintain Eye Contact

Not only is it a must to clink glasses before sipping your wine, but you should also gaze deeply into your companions' eyes while doing so. It’s deemed impolite to say “cheers” or “santé” without making eye contact. Remember: Life is about pleasure, and pleasure is found in wine. When you drink with others, don’t rush to taste; instead, take the time to appreciate each other and the moment, even if it's not during a special occasion like a wedding or retirement party.

5. Be Gentle, Don’t Spill

After years in France, it always makes me chuckle when I see bachelorettes or Real Housewives pop open a bottle of champagne and—the horror!—spray it everywhere. The French would never do that (unless they’re expert saberers or descendants of Napoleon). Opening champagne in France is an art; it should be done gently and discreetly to preserve the product's integrity without making a mess. You should hear a soft hiss, not a loud pop. And don’t even think about adding orange juice for a Mimosa; champagne is meant to be enjoyed on its own.

6. Tip, but don’t overdo it

At nearly every restaurant, the meal price includes a service charge, meaning staff are adequately compensated, so tipping isn’t a requirement. Some diners might leave 10–12 percent, especially if they’re regulars or received outstanding service. However, leaving a few €1 or €2 coins is perfectly acceptable, while emptying your change jar is not advised. Over-tipping can mark you as a tourist, so in those cases, it’s often better to leave nothing. Although some places are starting to adopt American-style tipping prompts through contactless payment machines, don’t feel pressured to comply.

7. Casual is cool, but make an effort

Remember, this is the birthplace of Chanel and Louis Vuitton. There’s no need for heels or a full face of makeup for a visit to the Louvre. However, fashion is considered a pleasure in France, and people do take care in their appearance. While athleisure has become more accepted, with gym clothes worn more frequently, it won’t guarantee you a front-row seat at fashion week.

During the day, jeans paired with a nice tee and les baskets (sneakers) work well, while transitioning to a button-down, skirt, or blazer for the evening will enhance your look. A red lip for women (also acceptable during the day) and a scarf for men (which can be worn year-round) add a nice touch. However, spotting a French adult in shorts and a baseball cap is quite rare.

8. Wait your turn, but don’t hesitate to step up

In France, queuing is more of a courtesy; it’s important to ensure you haven’t inadvertently jumped ahead of someone—whether at the bakery, outside a restroom, or au comptoir (at the bar). However, the French aren’t shy about being assertive and have little patience when it comes to waiting for a fresh baguette. As long as you’re polite and reasonable, don’t hesitate to claim your spot, too.